sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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