Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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