I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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