I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
