sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
