oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
