Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
