The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
