Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
