Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
