if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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