dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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