Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
