hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry