Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
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I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.