Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it