She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots