have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol