Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'