i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.