Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
