I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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