just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
