Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
