I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
