I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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