OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
