Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
