Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
