he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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