"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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