Your mouth is God's brothel.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
