Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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