Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
