I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
