Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
