this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
