"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
