He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
