8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
