I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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