3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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