JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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