I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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