happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
