Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
