man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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