Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients