So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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