That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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