How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
