wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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