Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
