This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
