Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
