I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
