what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
