Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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