my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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