its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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