I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
