We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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