Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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